Plus Sized Panties

I will be the first too admit I am not little woman, I am a big gal. I have been in this world long enough to know that "Plus" sized clothing has come along way in the past few decades. I am in my 40's and remember all to well the plus sized clothing choices of the past. Luckily although everyone I grew up with thought I was as big as a house (all my family) and most of my "friends" and I use friends very loosely. Thought that at 18 years old at size 16 I must be quiet possibly the largest living mammal on the face of this earth. Boy were they wrong, I'd give my eye teeth to be a size 16 now.

I remember shopping back then in the 80's it was so miserable! Most of the stores in my area of the world labeled you as fat and frumpy (not really) or as Sears's put it so delicately "Pretty Plus". You know what kids called those clothes? "Pretty Fat". I remember they were unmistakable they weren't like the regular girls clothes (just made larger) no they picked the most hideous prints and colors they had for those clothes. I think the logic was that fat people can't find clothes easily so they will buy anything that fits.

Once you made it out of "Pretty Plus" you had to go straight to women's clothes no junior items for you fat girl. Oh, and we have some lovely choices for you: Navy Blue Stretch Slacks and those come in black and brown too. Oh and we have these lovely matronly blazers that look great on you (if your a sixty year old preachers wife) and how about this lovely floral print dress? Why with the pleated skirt bottom your ass will only look half as wide as the broad side of a barn! Don't worry if you gain a few pounds this double knit polyester stretches well!

So you looked like a friggin dork running around in your grandmas clothes. Jeans were not available. You could buy some men's jeans and have your mom cut them off and hem them and hope to god know one noticed (but they did). My mom was pretty good seamstress and once in awhile she would actually make me a nice outfit. But she didn't have time to keep me fully in clothes so most of the time I tried to make due with the Grandma wear.

And then my Senior year a store opened in the the Mall called 16 Plus a Size not an age........... Well I was in heaven finally some one understood that all plus sized women didn't want to wear brown, navy blue, and black year around. They had semi-stylish clothes and jeans meant for plus sized women.

But all the while no one gave a thought to plus-sized undies. They assumed we all wanted too wear white granny panties. You know the ones that hardly stretch. The waist comes up to your neck and the crotch as wide as the Rio Grande River and leg holes about the size of a dime. They were meant for comfort and comfortable they were not. The crotch was way too wide and it tangled up even the shortest of pubic hair and pulled at it all day long (sorry kids this was before it was cool to shave it off) they rubbed you raw between the thighs and the leg holes were way too small so they effectively cut off all circulation below them. And dear god pantie hose were so small (even the queen sized ones) they served as a torture device on your thighs. I remember rubbing my inner thighs so raw I couldn't walk for days. They still have recognized we don't need longer legs we need wider legs at the thighs. Most queen sized hose are designed for tall thin transvestite men. I can't wear them as a short fat woman. They bag and sag from the knee down and are too tight and rip at the waist and thighs no matter what size or brand I buy.

Well, if I'd quit complainin about everything else, I'd get to the point of my story. So somebody out there decided that maybe fat girls weren't satisfied with white granny panties. Amen! So slowly different styles some out. Bikini type undies are not designed for fat girls they don't come up far enough and end up rolling down over our fat bellies and rubbing us raw and the pubic bone. French Cut or Hi-Cut panties are a nice choice. The crotch usually isn't too wide and the the leg holes are more than ample. They come up over our fat bellies (albeit sometimes a little too far just like the granny panties).

Take it from me Thongs are not a fat girls friend they don't fit us well and Dear Sweet Jesus you'd be a pickin 'em out of the crack of your ass for a month. I'll admit I tried them once for a few hours. Not only did I feel naked like I need to go put another pair on. But what they reminded me of was the dreaded SANITARY BELT. Now for those of you under 40 you might know about this plague that was put on woman kind until sometime in the 80's. Believe me they hurt like hell! You strapped you pad in them and let them dig bloody holes in your ass crack and right under your belly for a week every month. Back then the TSS scare was out and nobody used tampons and besides back then the attitude was unmarried women didn't use tampons (because they were virgins, LMAO) and it might ruin there wedding night. You could pin them in your underwear but having safety pins next to my cooter and behind always scared the hell out of me. I have visions of them "popping open" and stabbing me in the most delicate of areas.

So back to my story, so still in search of the perfect pantie for a fat girl I run across these JMS lace and microfiber boy shorts. My God I found nirvana! They came to exactly the right place on stomach. They had no elastic at the legs just wonderful soft stretch lacy. They were sexy and comfie. I adore these underwear. Guess what? JMS discontinued them. This old chick hopped right on Ebay and bought about a 100 pair off various sellers. But alas, after several years I needed some new panties. While the JMS boy briefs were the most comfortable pantie ever they were not very durable. They wore out pretty quickly.

So I go to Wally World and I look at different panties and I see Fruit of the Loom has some pretty size 11 boy short panties so I buy a pack. I get them home and take them out of the package and they were so friggin small I had to give them to my 10 year old niece. They might have fit a 100 pound woman. So I go back (I should open underwear but I won't cause I know it costs the store money when the packages are damaged because others won't buy them). This time I buy JMS microfiber Hi-Cut panties size 12. I get them home and I could have put them on and 3 other people could have jumped in too. I don't know what to do with these ones, I suspect my husband has 3 new pastel boat covers and he doesn't know it yet!

So out of sheer frustration I go to Fashion Bug, they want way too much for their undies but at least they are not sealed in plastic and you can actually pick them up and look at them So I buy 4 pair for 25 stinkin dollars and I go home and wash them and put them in my undie drawer One of the pair I picked out looks like a string bikini but they come up higher on the waist and looked pretty comfie and they were except they have 2 metal razor blades with rhinestones attaching the elastic "string" to the panties. They are going out the door when I shower tonight. These metal doo-dads (I think they are razor blades in disguise) have dug into my stomach and thighs all day. I wore another pair with pearly little buttons run up the front the other day. I felt like I had rocks in my undies all day. I have 2 more pair to try yet. I'll let you know how that goes.

My point here is "Why the hell did JMS discontinue Lace Boy Briefs" they are wildly popular on EBay (you rarely see them last more than a day on buy it nows). And "Why the hell do other makers think we need buttons and zippers and razor blades attached to plus sized panties"? Criminy I just want comfie undies. I am not Britney Spears flashing my panties or the lack thereof to the world. I just want something that fits well, feels comfortable and last more than a couple wearings. I want them machine washable and bleachable, and not to cost a fortune. Is that too much too ask?